I was feeling apprehensive about the scheduled trial. A child was going to be testifying against her mother. The opposing counsel recently added a new witness to their discovery, someone whom my client dreads facing. The revelation that my client’s 19-year-old daughter was going to testify against her own mother has completely transformed my client’s demeanor from the composed and reasonable individual she had been for the past 18 months. Going through a divorce and custody case involves so much emotional turmoil, and the thought of witnessing her own child say hurtful things about her is the last thing my client wanted to endure.
My client was willing to sacrifice anything to prevent her child from taking the stand, but she also felt compelled to fight for the custody of her younger children. The reason behind this determination lies in her belief that her husband had been buying the affection of their 19-year- old daughter. The strain in their relationship began around two years ago when the daughter started pushing boundaries, such as staying out late, inviting her boyfriend into her bedroom, and traveling with him. Despite my client’s attempts to maintain discipline by imposing a 10 p.m. curfew and confiscating the daughter’s key, the relationship between them deteriorated. Now, my client is uncertain about the extent of her daughter’s testimony, although she knows the closed CPS case will likely be brought up. The daughter had previously called CPS on her mother for what she perceived as “excessive discipline” and being locked out of the home. According to my client, her daughter stopped communicating with her when her father initiated the divorce proceedings. On one occasion when the daughter violated curfew, her father opened the door and did not agree to impose any punishment. A few weeks after the incident, the daughter stayed out pass her curfew and had to sleep outside the home. Her father had travelled for work and no one opened the door for her.
As I waited for our turn in court, I observed the other parties struggling through even the simplest cases. As I contemplated how much they would have benefited from a Divorce and Custody Coach, I imagined the potential impact of a coach’s guidance on the opposing side’s decision to involve their child in such a contentious matter. Did he even consult with anyone before making this decision? As an attorney, I’ve often grappled with the long-term implications of bringing children into legal disputes. Fortunately, I’ve always managed to find alternatives. Convincing clients of the repercussions of having their child testify against the other parent can be one of the most challenging tasks for an attorney, especially if the client believes the strength of their case lies in the child’s testimony. Sometimes, clients may doubt whether their attorney is truly advocating for their best interests if an attorney tries to persuade them to take a different approach.
Wonder why family and friends wouldn’t dissuade a parent from using their child as a witness? The reason is unfortunately, some family members and friends may inadvertently encourage such actions without fully considering the consequences. They may not even be aware of the potential harm it could cause to both the parent-child relationship and the child’s well-being.
Divorce and custody coaches serve as invaluable neutral voices in such situations, holding clients accountable while brainstorming alternative strategies and options. They help clients focus on
the pertinent issues, minimize conflict, preserve family integrity, and safeguard the interests of the children. A divorce coach provides a broader perspective that can often be overlooked in the heat of legal battles.
The situation weighs heavily on my mind. What will this ordeal do to families in the long run? Both counsels move on, but the repercussions for this mother and child may be long-lasting.
The effects of using a child as a witness against a parent can be profound and far-reaching, impacting both the child and the parent in various ways:
1. Emotional Trauma: Testifying against a parent can cause emotional distress and trauma for the child. It may lead to feelings of guilt, betrayal, and confusion, as they are forced to recount potentially painful experiences or provide testimony that could harm their parent.
2. Damage to Parent-Child Relationship: Being pitted against a parent in a legal setting can strain or damage the parent-child relationship irreparably. Trust may be eroded, and the child may harbor resentment or animosity towards the parent they testified against. 3. Psychological Impact: The experience of testifying against a parent can have long-term psychological effects on the child, including anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. They may struggle with feelings of loyalty and identity, unsure of where they belong or whom to trust.
4. Legal Implications: In some cases, using a child as a witness can backfire legally, as their testimony may be challenged or discredited due to their age, vulnerability, or potential influence from one parent over the other. This can prolong legal proceedings and create additional stress for the child and family.
5. Social Stigma: Being involved in a legal dispute between parents can subject the child to social stigma and scrutiny from peers, teachers, and community members. They may feel isolated or ashamed of their family situation, further exacerbating their emotional distress.
6. Long-Term Consequences: The impact of testifying against a parent can extend into
adulthood, affecting the child’s future relationships, trust in authority figures, and overall well-being. It may shape their perceptions of family dynamics and influence their own parenting style in the future.
Overall, using a child as a witness against a parent should be approached with extreme caution, considering the potential harm it can cause to the child’s mental and emotional health, as well as the long-term repercussions for the parent-child relationship. Alternatives, such as parenting coach, mediation, or therapy, should be explored whenever possible to minimize the negative effects on all parties involved. Again, another reason to start the process with a divorce and custody coach. They help keep you rational. They’ll keep you accountable. They’ll help you explore alternatives and tell you the truth.
6 Unintended Consequences Of Leaving Your Child On The Witness Stand
